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’ So I went back to work. Mixed emotions were raging through me and she was attentive but not overly so. She would listen while I read extracts of the speech I had written for her, suggesting alternative words and phrases but generally liking what I had produced. ‘You have cat hair on your left tit.’ ‘You have lipstick on your right ear.’ ‘It’s fashionable!’ but she wiped it off. ‘Come round to the flat tonight around eight?’ I nodded, closed down my laptop, grabbed my coat and went home again. She was right, of course, we did love each other. It had not been said before but it was true. I wrestled with myself, cursing a middle class upbringing and conventional values. I wanted to be what she wanted but it isn’t easy to shrug off twenty years of indoctrination. I had a stiff gin, called a cab and changed into a pair of tight, black leather trousers and a white silk blouse, tidied my hair and face and grabbing a few things in case I stayed the night went to the front door. I remembered. "Ellie hesitated and he noticed. "Don't worry — I won't bite," he said dryly.She ignored the barb and sat down in the armchair again, anxious not be too close to him. When he returned with two mugs of coffee, she took one and said bluntly,"We need to talk." Wow — you don't beat around the bush, do you?" Michael said with a surprised look."Not as a rule, no." She sipped the coffee and tried to sort out her chaotic thoughts. Michael stayed silent; evidently, he was waiting for her to make the first move.Eventually, she spoke. "Tell me about Lisa. Did you love her?"Michael flinched. For a moment, Ellie wished she had kept her mouth shut. But, then, she reasoned how would she know if their encounter was just another notch on his bedpost?"Yes," he replied simply. He sank back onto the sofa, his brow furrowed with pain."I loved her very much." Then, why didn't you make the effort to be with her when you had the chance?" Because of Helen's illness."Ellie hadn't known this and she felt wrong.
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